Trip Update #14 - En Finito

Yeah, okay. So I'm a tad bit late with this one. Just withhold your payment - that'll show me. If you do have service complaints, please register them at www.biteme.com. Have a nice day! :-) Alas, this will be the final update. I leave in about 40 hours. My mother is so happy. I think she has one of those digital countdown clocks on the wall. You know, like those clocks that were all over the place a few years back counting down to the new millennium? Hmmm... New Years 2000 was probably the single largest event in mankind that rendered the most clocks unusable. What a waste. So, do they go to clock heaven or something? I think it's sad that they come to such an abrupt meaningless fate. I know I wouldn't want to be a millennium countdown clock, would you? All right, enough babble. To the "Where's Paraaldo?" verses: Monday, August 12th Woke up in severe pain. Last night was the single worst night of sleep I've had in a decade. Something hit me hard. Must have been the pizza. A little too happy for my tastes. Damn that Herb. I'm sure the beer had nothing to do with it. Nooooooooo. Somewhere around noon (I think), I crawled onto the backseat of a motor scooter for a tour of the city of Phnom Penh, Cambodia. First stop: The Killing Fields of Choeng Ek. Those of you who have seen the movie called "The Killing Fields" will already know that Pol Pot's regime in the late 70's (I think) exterminated 2-3 million Cambodians for being educated or for being suspected dissidents. About 10,000 people were buried in mass graves at Choeng Ek. One of the memorials gives you a real hard gut check - it's a bunch of glass-door cabinets filled with stacked exhumed human skulls. If that doesn't make it hit home, nothing will. Next stop was the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum. This place was a high school turned prison camp turned museum, where Pol Pot sent the educated people and suspected dissidents prior to sending them to their execution and mass burial at Choeng Ek. Unbelievably depressing. Last stop was the Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda. Due to my late start, I only had about 30 minutes to spend here. I would've liked to spend 3-4 hours - mainly to have somewhere a little more cheerful to recuperate from my rough night and not so perky early afternoon travels. This place was gorgeous. I think it's even nicer than the Royal Palace in Bangkok. If you remember, I commented on the Bangkok Royal Palace that it was so beautiful that I didn't even know what to take a picture of. I almost felt like I was doing a disservice to a building or structure if I didn't photograph it. Well ditto that here. Times two. Tuesday, August 13th Took a boat up the Mekong River to Siem Reap today. At least I think it was the Mekong River. I've done so much travelling on the Mekong River so far, that I'm gonna stick with it. I've already made the Mekong - Yukong joke, haven't I? Anywho, this boat wasn't a normal looking boat. Oh no. It resembled a submarine that didn't quite submerge, or perhaps something out of Jacques Cousteau, but only 0.0 leagues under the sea. In any case, it was fast, so I was there by noon. After fighting the huge crowd of hawkers trying to get me to go to their guesthouse on the back of their scooter, I hopped onto the back of a scooter of a guy who somehow had my name written on a piece of paper. The element of familiarity goes a long way when you're surrounded. Oh yeah - so you're probably wondering what the heck is in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Nothing really. But it is abnormally close to the single greatest Ancient Wonder of the World. I speak of course of The Temples of Angkor (insert dramatic sound clip here), of course of course. These are a collection of temples built by the Khmer kings over a span of 600 years beginning in the 11th century, the crown jewel of the lot being the tremendous Angkor Wat. Sorry - can't really describe it. So for dramatic effect, just imagine something so beautiful it's inconceivable, and then nod your head (much like Stifler and little bro gazing at the computer screen) and smile. I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. The only thing I saw today was one temple, called Phnom Bakheng, which is perched on top of a hill. After climbing the steep slope of the mountain, and then the steep steps of the temple, I sat around for about an hour or two waiting for the sun to go down with a bunch of strangers. Actually, I take that back - several people that I had met on my Vietnam Mekong trip were there too. Anyways, we didn't know when the sun actually set because there were too many clouds in the way. But we imagined how nice it would be to watch the sun set. And there was much rejoicing. Wednesday, August 14th Went Wat-watching all day today. From seeing the sunrise at Angkor Wat at 6 am to seeing the sunset at Angkor Wat at 6pm. Wat after Wat after Wat after Wat. But here's the condensed play-by-play in between the Angkor Wat visits: The Bayon, The Baphuon, Phimeankas, Terrace of the Leper King, Terrace of Elephants, Ta Keo, Ta Proehm, Bantaey Kdei, Preah Rup, Bantaey Srei, East Mebon, Ta Som, and Preah Khan. Some were very very large, some were quite small. Some have been fully restored, others are in the middle of restoration, and still others are left untouched. Since they were built over a 600 year span, there area a vast array of religious and architectural differences among them. In all cases though, the level of stone carvings was just exquisite. And seeing these ruins in the thick of the jungle, in some cases it was the jungle literally in the ruins, was unreal. I spent the last three hours or so of my sightseeing exploring Angkor Wat. This alone was worth the trip into Cambodia. Infinitely better than Borobudur and Prambanan in Indonesia. For the last hour, I sat perched outside the Northwest Stupa of Angkor Wat listening to music on my MP3 player, staring out into the distance in the general direction of the sun, which was unfortunately still playing peek-a-boo behind the clouds. You just don't get to do that every day. Thursday, August 14th Started the long painful journey back to Bangkok today, courtesy of A/C minibus. The first leg of this journey to the Cambodian border was by far the more interesting. Cambodian roads have not been touched since the 60's. In fact, it was hard to tell if there was really any pavement at all - the roads were dirt for the most part, with severe potholes and tire trenches. We were limited to about 15 kmh for about 7 hours. Some of the other silly tourists in the minibus thought it'd be a good idea to try and sleep through it. All they got was a hard smack in the head from the window as the bus shimmied from side to side. Dummies. Along the way, we passed a few vehicles that were broken down due to simple mechanical issues such as total axle failure or the pansy left-front-wheel-snappage-offage. And a few other vehicles that had simply driven over the wrong spot on the wooden bridge, and subsequently partially falling through. In each of these cases, we just drove around them. At 15 kmh or less. In one instance, we were diverted through a few farms to avert a truck-stuck-in-bridge scenario. The farmers had all set up makeshift tollbooths for the rerouting. Something tells me that they were in on the bridge failure. Friday, August 16th I think the digestive system should have a reset button or a purge button or something like that. I've had some issues over the past few days. Thankfully, today was the end of it. I was waiting till I got in Thailand because I didn't quite trust the quality of medication available in Cambodia. Wow. Those are words that I never thought I'd utter. I spent the day shopping for the most part. I would tell you what I bought, but then I'd have to kill you. Okay I'm lying. I can't kill you. I'm in frickin' Thailand. The only other thing of note is that I went to see Men In Black 2 today in the movie theatres. Not bad at all. And they didn't even play that accursed song. As in New Zealand, seats were assigned. Just before the movie, everyone was required to stand up "to pay your respects to the King", while a national anthem of some sort was played over the sound system. Immediately following the movie, all the teenage girls were chatting on their cell phones. Saturday, August 17th - Thursday, August 22nd Left for the island of Ko Samet on Saturday, where I'll cap off this extensive and extremely-tiring journey. I'm just wiped out completely. I haven't stayed in one spot for more than two days in three and a half months (with the exception of Sydney). Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't trade the experience I've had for anything. I'm just really really tired. To the point that I don't think I enjoyed Angkor Wat as much as it deserved to be enjoyed. So Ko Samet is supposed to be the relaxation therapy. I didn't do a damn thing the whole time. My room was a shanty bungalow with a full-size bed in it (with mosquito net, thank goodness). The roof was made of tin. The walls were made of something resembling basket thatch. I just sat around. Read a few books - for those of you keeping track, I've finished Naked by David Sedaris, Masquerade by William Kienzle, The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coehlo, and I'm almost done with The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy (no relation to Patrick). Began a morning jogging routine. Even tried my hand at body surfing. Watched some movies, including Blade II, Men in Black II (again), The Matrix, and Meet the Parents. The weather has been perfect. Perfect for me that is - overcast the whole time. I'm too tanned as it is, so this allowed me to venture where I wanted to without concern. The bar at the place I stayed at was pretty cool. From 10pm to midnight every night, they have this thing called Toss-Up. You flip a coin to determine whether or not you pay for your drink. I won four out of five - so I paid a total of $1.50 for five gin and tonics. Can't beat it. Today (Thursday), I got on a boat to come back to Bangkok. This gives me a day and a half in Bangkok before catching my early Saturday morning flight back home. Which gives me plenty of time to partake in Bangkok's bustling trade of... umm... on second thought, let me change the subject. Have you seen my baseball? Yes mom, I'm being good. I promise. I won't be engaging in any activities that could result in body parts falling off. Really. I promise. So that's it. The end. Over. Kaput. Zoinks. Jeepers. Bif! Zok! Whap! If you're expecting some grand essay on "things I've learned" or "the meaning of life", I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you. I'm working on it. But I'll leave you with a few thoughts. (Bill N. - please skip to the bottom. This is the sappy stuff that you will undoubtedly give me grief over!) - No matter where you go, people are inherently the same. There is no such thing as a country full of evil people. There are just some really bad governments. Sometimes, it's not even a bad government - just a government that we don't agree with. - Religion is for the most part the same everywhere too – just in a different color wrapper. Everywhere people are looking for guidance in a mysterious world that seems uncontrollable at times. And everywhere, the basic tenets of all religions can be summed up to the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It's a shame that most wars are attributed to religious differences. - It's really a shame that we as people revere money as much as we do. Knowledge and understanding are worth far more, but not given as much credit. As a result, I think as a society, we have our values way out of whack. As the adage goes, money can't buy happiness (and Weird Al adds "I guess I'll have to rent it"). - Nothing humans will build will ever be as spectacular as that which has already be created. Nature is by far the most spectacular thing I've seen on this trip. And it's free (or at least it should be). - A trip to a third world country really puts some things in perspective. Why is it that a child with (what we consider in the West to be) absolutely nothing in a third world country can be perfectly happy kicking a ball of twine around, and a child in a "developed" country will yell, kick, and scream about not having a Playstation 2? Simplicity has some benefits that we've lost the ability to see. I'm not, by any means, advocating a move to the 500 years ago. I just think it might be helpful to sit back and think about what I think I need and what I really need every once in a while. I guess I did have an essay in me after all. If you don't agree with me on some of these thoughts, that's cool too – they are somewhat personal thoughts anyway. We'll just agree to disagree. I'm not really looking for a debate here, but I'm more than open to a discussion at some point with any takers. Over a good bottle of wine. Or Franzia. So long. Farewell. I hate to say goodbye. Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. Those of you in Cincinnati, stop by and see me sometime. I'd love to catch-up. I'll be back on late Saturday night. Those of you not in Cincinnati, drop me a line. I've disconnected my cell phone, so just use my home phone - 513-871-5830. -Paraag Tidbits: 1. Cell phone coverage in Asia is far superior to the U.S. Everywhere I've gone, the tour guides, bus operators, boat driver, etc. has relied extensively on the cell phone for last minute changes and whatnot. Everywhere. 2. There's a bar in Siem Reap called Angkor What? Guess someone beat me to that joke. Dammit! 3. When in Asia, always remember to have plenty of bottled water handy. It's not a good feeling to get up thirsty in the middle of the night only to realize that you can't drink out of the tap. 4. Following on #3, but the locals must drink out of the tap. And they're A-Ok. Amazing how our privileged lifestyle in the West has also made us more susceptible and prone to sickness. Kind of counter-intuitive. 5. Just remembered one that I meant to write way back in Australia. Rayman can definitely appreciate this one. If you're lactose intolerant, don't drink a glass of milk in the morning without taking the proper medication. Even if you think you can "muscle" your way through it. P.S. A sincere thanks to the countless people who have e-mailed me compliments and such. I'm going to miss writing these as much as or more than you'll miss reading them. And from what I can tell, there's a whole group of people that I don't even know who are getting forwarded these from other people. Feel free to drop me a line or e-mail - I'm kind of curious to see where it ends.

Trip Update #13

I'm in trouble - it's the accursed 13th update. Or perhaps it's a good sign, since I've survived the 13th week. Hmmm... Monday, August 5th On the road again this morning - this time to a town called Hoi An. Hoi An is a picturesque little town situated about 5 km from the beach and boasts a fabulously untouched "Old Town" area for the romantics in all of us. See? I really could be a travel guide writer. After finding a room acceptable enough for me (i.e. cheap), I headed out to take part in Hoi An's favorite pastime - shopping. This area is famous for getting custom-tailored clothes at bargain basement prices. Who am I to buck a trend? So, I checked it out. Having no idea what I was looking for, I walked into a shop and stood there rather cluelessly. This reminds me of a rule that I learned at work that I clearly paid no regard: Have a plan. I had no idea what I wanted to get made at all, and no idea how much I wanted to spend on it. Sensing correctly that my mind was blank slate to be manipulated, the salesladies did rather well - convincing me to order 2 pants and 5 shirts that evening. Total: $60. They would be ready tomorrow at 11 am. I can't even get pants hemmed that quick or for that cheap in the States. Next item on the agenda was squaring away travel plans for the next few days. Like any sane person, I went to see Mr. Phuc (pronounced "fook"). Normally I don't comment on making travel plans - it's a given that happens at every city I've visited. But I couldn't not tell you about my new friend Mr. Phuc (pronounced "fook") now, could I? That Mr. Phuc (pronounced "fook"), he's a good guy. Tuesday, August 6th Agenda for today - nothing major. Just relax. Since I've been pretty much non-stop since getting into Vietnam (well, probably since Bangkok, actually), I figured I'd just relax for a day and have nothing specific on the agenda. Except for shopping. So I swung by the tailor shop to check out the clothes. I didn't know clothes were actually supposed to fit like this. It's amazing. I can never find my size in pants - it's virtually impossible. So I usually have to buy pants and have them hemmed for an additional charge. This also results in the pants being a bit baggier than necessary. But not these pants. I would have to get some more. And these shirts! Apparently, I have long arms for my torso size. So, to get long-sleeve shirts that fit my arms, I end up having a whole lot of shirt leftover to tuck into my pants. But not these shirts. I would have to get some more. In a few short minutes (or about an hour), I had ordered 3 more pants, 1 more shirt, a 3-piece black tuxedo, and a ¾ length gray Cashmere jacket - all for $110 more. Not bad. And I thought that this stuff was cheap in Bangkok (sorry Rayman!). And to top it all off, all of this stuff would be ready this very evening. I'm not making this up. There's also a bunch of art galleries here. So I perused and browsed to my heart's content. I picked, bargained, and purchased three pieces. And, of course, I'll end up spending a heck of a lot more on getting them framed in the States than I spent on the actual piece of art. Surely this isn't the way it's supposed to happen. After spending 2 hours and $50 in the post office to send 7 kg of clothes home (ETA Winter 2002), I was pooped. So much for a day to relax. And I didn't even get to hit the beach. I was so pooped that dinner consisted of the water and Pringles that the tailor shop gave me as parting gifts (see? Pringles are universal). Wednesday, August 7th Got a cab to the airport in Danang this morning to catch a flight to Saigon. I wasn't feeling in such top shape – the evidence points at my gourmet dinner from the previous evening. So, when I got to Saigon, I found a room and then crashed for a few hours before walking around. Saigon is a bit of a misnomer - it's actually Ho Chi Minh City, which has 16 districts in it. District 1 is the concentrated downtown area, which is called Saigon. The older generation still calls the entire city Saigon though. All of the buildings around here are very very narrow and long. So is my hotel. My room is on the 4th floor - #402. Somehow, this translates to having to climb 5 sets of stairs. Haven't quite figured out the math on this one yet. Thursday, August 8th Still not feeling too great, so I slept in this morning before heading out to see the Saigon sights in the afternoon. First stop - Emperor of Jade Pagoda. But I couldn't see any jade anywhere, and there certainly wasn't an Emperor hanging out there, so I was confused. This time a little more than the standard level of confusion typically lingering in my head. But there were a whole lot of turtles in a shallow pool at the entrance. Does that count for anything? Next stop - the Notre Dame Cathedral. It's just smaller than the one in Paris, that's all. And a tad bit out of place. But it's all good. Lunch was spectacular - sushi platter for $6. Hit the spot. While $6 for a meal in Vietnam is actually more than I've had to spend so far, I needed some sushi badly. Cooler heads prevailed. After lunch, I headed over to the War Remnants Museum, which has on display loads of stuff leftover from the American War - bombs, planes, tanks, bullets, other weapons. Everything. It used to be called the American War Crimes Museum, and then they changed the name because they were worried about upsetting American tourists. I wonder why? The exhibitions were a bit eye-popping and unnerving. Clearly they were only showing one side of the story, but it was still rather compelling stuff, which left me in a strange state of questioning and gloom. So my next stop was actually a nice one to make - the Mariamman Hindu temple. After having seen so many Buddhist pagodas and wats over the past month, it was nice to step foot into a Hindu establishment again. Even if the interior of the temple was completely painted in tacky pastel colors not befitting a temple in any way, shape, or form. Later on that evening, I purchased a pirated copy of a book by Robert McNamara (U.S. Secretary of Defense during the first half of the war) called: In Retrospect - the Tragedy and Lessons of Vietnam. It's pretty good actually. He does an excellent job of explaining why decisions were made going into the war and how our involvement slowly escalated much further than anticipated. If wars are your thing, this is a good book to get. Friday, August 9th Took a full day tour today to go see the Cao Dai temple and the Cu Chi tunnels. More on each of these shortly. But now, a word from our sponsors. Please spend the next 3.0 minutes singing "Nod Your Head" by Will Smith to yourself as part of the Men In Black 2 commercial. I've even seen these commercials here. This song is ridiculous. Isn't 'Nod Your Head" a line in the Hokie Pokie or something? What's next? "Pick Your Nose"? "Lick Your Palms"? "Scratch the Small of Your Back"? "Walk Like an Egyptian"? So Cao Dai is this religion that this Vietnamese guy founded in the early 1900s. Or I should say, he had some visions and then established a forum within which to convey this vision. In a nutshell, it's very dark and rather cramped. The religion, on the other hand, is a combination of Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism. Strangely enough, it also reveres Victor Hugo as a saint or prophet (I forget which). In any case, we saw this huge complex north of Saigon which used to be wholly owned and operated by the CaoDaists. And we watched the noon prayer service. Then we got back in the bus. The Cu Chi tunnels (not to be confused with the Cu Chi Cu Chi Cu tunnels - which are 2.5 times better) are an underground network of tunnels in the predominantly Communist village of Cu Chi, which the Vietcong used to thwart the American and South Vietnamese army during the war. We saw all sorts of pain-inflicting booby-traps, often involving multiple metal spikes or nails being lodged somewhere in the victims body. They didn't do any live demonstrations unfortunately. I would have paid another dollar for this. The tunnels themselves were where the Cu Chi villagers lived to survive the intense air bombing campaigns from the US planes. They were Vietnamese sized too. They doubled the height of a 60m stretch of tunnels for us tourist types. Even then, I was fully squatted down and had to waddle like a penguin to keep from crawling on all fours. My hairless head did not provide any cushioning from bumping into the hard ceiling every once in a while. Your hairy people take this for granted. Saturday, August 10th Said Sayonara Saigon this morning (yes, if I had left in the evening, it would have been Goodnight Saigon) and embarked on a 2-day trip to the Mekong Delta region, ending up in Cambodia somehow. And what a trip it ended up being. Other than being in the guesthouse overnight, the group of us on this tour were in some mode of transportation virtually non-stop. As you can guess, I didn't really see much of the Mekong Delta region which produces vast quantities of rice in Vietnam. But I did cruise down the river for 5 hours, constantly trying to wave back at each and every single local kid who yelled and screamed with their arms waving in the air. Pretty neat. There really isn't too much to report from this trip. The guide didn't tell us a damn thing about the area. But I made some new friends on the trip, so I guess that's worth something. But the guide sucked, and the food sucked - i.e., the mind and the body were left in a most unstimulated fashion. Sunday, August 11th After getting some breakfast, our main task for the day was to go to Cambodia. But first, we were loaded onto small little canoe boats for a little boat ride through a floating village. Each of these small boats was powered by a small Vietnamese lady rowing from the back. Probably not the last time that I'll be pushed around by a woman... ;-) (you see - there's my mom, and then, oh yeah, my boss is female...) Next, I hopped onto a speedboat for a 3-hour cruise to Phnom Penh in Cambodia. Along the way, we had to stop at the Vietnamese and Cambodian border crossings for the passport validations and visas and all that. The Cambodians gave me a bit of a hassle - they seemed interested in the fact that I carried an Ohio driver's license, whereas it says New York in my passport (since I was born there). Amazingly enough, the only other people in our tour group that were hassled just happened to be the only other two non-whites. Hmmmm. Now I'm not a math major, but... At Phnom Penh, we were greeted by a hoard of fans. Or actually a hoard of hawkers trying to get us to go to their guesthouse. This is kinda cool actually - you can bargain with them right there and try to get a cheaper price. But how can you really bargain down a $3 room? So I picked one and went with it. I was bored, so I walked around. And then it happened – a torrential rainstorm came down. So I did what any other hungry person would do. I went into a gas station mart to get some good food and wait out the rain. Had some instant Ramen noodles and an Ice Nescafe. Yum Yum. The rain was brief, but it wreaked absolute havoc on the roadways - apparently the drainage system is ill equipped for anything more than a light tinkle. A few of us who were on the Mekong Delta trip decided to go out for some drinks. So we hit the Foreign Correspondent's Club and had beer draughts for $1.20 (which is actually expensive!). After a few, we decided to get some pizza at Happy Herb's Pizzeria down the street. The waiter was happy, and the customers were happy as well. Can't get enough Happy Herb. Joy. For a nightcap, we hit a nightclub where the beer was even more expensive. But this place looked really neat - it was decorated such that it could have easily passed for a nightclub/bar in any major city in the States. But it was in Cambodia. Played some pool. I tend to do much better in pool when I'm not focusing on what I'm trying to do. If I think too much, I end up botching the shot. All right, that's enough for today. Even though I'm a few days delayed in sending this. Oh well. By the way, this is your second notice that your subscription is running out. Only two more issues to go, and then you'll have to get your own travel stories. See you soon. -Paraag Tidbits: 1. There is one indisputable fact about this entire region - Asians like body hair. No idea why. But not a day goes by where there isn't someone marveling at my arm hair or my chest hair. I've even had random strangers come up to me and pinch a tuft of chest hair from behind my T-shirt. Unsettling actually. It's been hard to restrain myself from shoving them away and yelling. 2. The dresses that Vietnamese flight attendants wear are hot. They just are. You should check one out someday. 3. The unit of currency in Cambodia is the riel, as in get riel. But most people just use US Dollars, and then use riel for change smaller than 1 dollar. This makes it very very hard to bargain down prices, since the numbers being discussed are very low to begin with - going down a dollar represents a significant percentage change.

Trip Update #12

As I briefly mentioned in my last correspondence, I left out a key piece of info in my previous update - namely the shaving of the head. Seeing as though I had another month to go before I get back home, it was clear to me that this may be the last chance at hair experimentation I would have without having to suffer the consequences of a disastrous outcome in front of friends and family. So, I had them set the razor to 1 and clip off anything they could find - which admittedly was not much to begin with. And all this for the equivalent of $1.33 - almost as cheap as what I pay Marcus to cut my hair. Those of you with short hair have experienced the ticklish sensation that you get when you run your hand across the freshly clipped hair. So, I've found myself at random times unconsciously playing with myself... err... running my hand across my head... err... well just forget it. So, ummm, yeah. How 'bout them Mets? Sunday, July 28th Went with 10 other random people strategically summoned from around the globe to Halong Bay for a 3 day/2 night adventure, including two who were very fine eye candy indeed. As my brother would say, rrrrrrrr... So the breakdown of peoples: an older couple from New Zealand, 5 Caucasians on vacation from jobs teaching English in South Korea, 2 female medical students from England, and a Taiwanese-American girl who just finished 2 years of teaching English in Japan. And me. You know me. Halong Bay (insert your own "Halong ago did you go to Halong Bay?" joke here) contains over 3000 islands. And these aren't your everyday normal J.C. Penney catalog islands either - they're special. The only way I can think to describe it is to imagine a flat piece of shale. Now imagine 3000 of them sticking out vertically from the sea. Defies imagination? Damn skippy. I spent the entire trip waiting for Judge Gravity to knock 'em down. The first stop on the boat cruise was a very large grotto. I don't know whether it was a grotto or not - looked like a cave to me. But I suppose they can call it whatever they want to, so grotto it is. It was nice, but it was packed with tourists and, of course, naturally occurring paved walkways and neon fluorescent lighting. The sooner we got away from the crowds, the better. The other passengers agreed. We anchored for a little while for a brief swim. I preferred diving to swimming though. Actually, I should say that I attempted to complete dives off the second level of the boat - back flips, front flips, pikes, triple axles, you name it. The dive usually ended with comments approximating "That had to hurt" from the audience that was cheering me on. We had dinner served on the boat, and it was excellent – it wasn't chicken fried rice! Our hotel for the evening was this very same boat. A number of people slept up top. By the time I got up there, all the spots were taken so I slept below. Monday, July 29th Though the dinner was fantastic, we had a ho-hum breakfast. A baguette and some scrambled eggs. I have never eaten so many darn eggs in my life. That's pretty much all they'll serve at any establishment for breakfast. And I am now thoroughly sick of them. I want my oatmeal. We headed to Cat Ba island (a few of us sang "Rock the CatBa"), where we deboated and had a nice long hike up a mountain to get a different view of Halong Bay and the islands contained therein. Nice hike. Very hot. Lots of sweat. But a beautiful view. I think you all may be sick of me talking about beautiful views. After another rousing exhibition of incomplete dives (which resulted in severe calf cramps as well as some "pain in the ass"), we deboated again on the other side of Cat Ba to go to our hotel for the evening. There is a ton of construction going on here to help support tourism - apparently Vietnam is very new to the tourist circuit. We all hit a nightclub tonight, which was an excellent peek into the Vietnamese pop culture. First, we got to witness several karaoke acts of Vietnamese songs. Then, we were treated to Michael Jackson's "History" video montage (which felt eerily right at home in Communist Vietnam). Finally, there was dance music. Normal dance music. But nothing else was quite normal. Let's see... there was the one big screen showing music videos that had nothing to do with the dance music being played, there was another big video screen showing old Tom & Jerry cartoons (my favorite part), there was a long repeated sound clip of cheering fans being played alongside said dance music non-stop, and to cap it all off there was the occasional sound of a horse neighing (over the sound system). The horse was the clincher by far. Never saw it coming. Tuesday, July 30th It rained all night long, and this continued all day today. After we boarded the boat to head back to the mainland, the wind picked up as well. Soon, it was difficult to see anything outside, and there was a rumour of a typhoon in the area. I started singing the "Gilligan's Island" theme song. But, we got to the harbor just fine. Everything was soaked in the brief walk from the boat pier to the bus though, and we were treated to a very wet and crammed 3 hour drive back to Hanoi. Back in Hanoi, I did a lot of nothing for three hours before heading on my next trip - an overnight train to Sapa, not to be confused with Napa, which is similar but very different. Wait... most of you probably didn't get that joke - a common phrase that everyone hears in the broken English from locals in Southeast Asia is "same, same, but different". I have decided to make this phrase part of my daily vernacular when I get back to the States. I urge you to consider the same. Anyway, there was only one other person on this trip with me - Valerie from France who works in marketing/sales for, strangely enough, Kimberly Clark. So I thrashed her and told her that P&G is king and that we take no prisoners. Okay, I didn't. And I didn't ask her for a job either. Wednesday, July 31st Arrived in the Lao Cai train station of northern Vietnam (right on the Chinese border) at 6:00 am. From there, we had another short and cramped minibus ride to Sapa. I quickly learned that all the travel agencies in Hanoi prettymuch sell their Sapa area tours to a hotel in Sapa, who then figures out who just came and for what tour and attempts to organize it all at the last second. Since I paid a budget price, I don't really have any room to complain. But it's pure unbridled chaos. This Sapa tour is kinda like the Chiang Mai tour I did in Thailand. Same, same, but different. And better. Though not little and yellow as well - that would be Nuprin. It's supposed to be a trek in the middle of nowhere to see the ethnic minority villages in the hills. So this was to be educational as well as adventurous. The countryside is very hilly - yet these villages still manage to somehow grow rice on the mountainside. Impossible you say? Ludicrous? Flabbergasting? I dare say not. Not. What they do is carve out steppes (that's British for steps) in the mountainside so as to have many many level surfaces to retain water for the rice crop. Yes, the retaining water phrase does have potential for a joke, but I would fear for my life upon my return if I made such a wisecrack. But I digress... So we headed off with our guide Trang down into the valley to check out some of the hill tribes. The first village we came across was a Black Hmong village. This tribe is especially adept at training the very pretty little girls to be very skilled salespeople of their woven goods. You can't imagine how hard it is to turn these children away. If you buy something from one, the rest try to give you a guilt trip by saying "But you didn't buy something from meeeeeeee." All of these kids speak very good English too - after all, they have been peddling these wares every day since they could walk to English speaking strangers. Needless to say, these hill tribes were far from untouched by civilization. Our first night was spent at the home of a family in the Giay tribe. Trang cooked us an expansive meal - six dishes plus soup and rice. Unbelievable. And very stomach expanding as well. Our beverage of choice during the dinner? Shots of rice wine, which were eerily reminiscent of the lao lao rice whiskey that I had consumed in Huie Xay, Laos. This was not all though - Trang and I shared three very large bottles of Chinese beer to cap it all off. I slept well that night. Other than having to get up to use the facilities. Thursday, August 1st Happy 28 and 1 month birthday to me! It rained nonstop last night. And it had been raining virtually nonstop yesterday as well (even during our trekking). This made for very muddy ground and overflowing streams. On more than one occasion, our hike forced us to walk shin-deep in water thus thoroughly soaking my non-waterproof sneakers. I spent the rest of the day making squishy sounds with my feet. Nonetheless, the trek was still really nice. Just soaked up the scenery and visited a few more tourist-overriden ethnic minority villages. Even so, I was happy to end the trek and get back to the hotel where a shower happily awaited me. And my feet were happy to be out of the wet shoes and into some wet sandals. Friday, August 2nd Today was low key. The rains stopped, so the heat became overbearing again. Thankfully, I only had a short 3 hour hike on the menu this morning. Saw some waterfalls and then soaked in the scenery a little more. Same, same. But different. Late in the afternoon, a minibus took a bunch of us tourist types back to Lao Cai to catch our train. There was still over an hour to pass before the train left, so a few of us decided to eat at the "Friendly Cafe" - not to be confused with the misspeled "Frendly Cafe" across the street. This restaurant/cafe/eatery-of-some-sort had a dish listed and then a price under a column labeled "Good" and another price under a column labeled "Better". In other words, you could pay a little more for a little extra something-something. But this something-something was at the sole discretion of the restaurant and the menu gave no hint as to what the difference was – you had to ask. In some cases, the better version would have skin-off chicken, or you'd get mushrooms in the dish as well or something like that. It was just different. Not same same at all. Shared a cabin with three Frenchies on the train. There's a whole lot of Frenchies visiting Vietnam - an inordinate number. I've met very few French travelers prior to arriving in 'Nam, but now it seems over half of the travelers are from there. Saturday, August 3rd Arrived in Hanoi early this morning. Since I had scheduled a night bus to the town of Hue (without the News) later that evening, I had all day to wander and roam the city. So, I went shopping. Shopping in Hanoi is interesting. Stores selling similar wares are often clustered around one another. So you end up with a street with nothing other than stores selling electronics, and another street selling metal cabinets, and even a street (Al Bundy's own personal nightmare) selling women's shoes. I didn't buy much... just wandered around. Got a fake adidas fishing hat for a little more than a dollar - the acclaimed black Puffs hat (donated by one Edmund J. Miller) that can be seen in many of the photos posted online was alas stolen by pirates in Chiang Mai. That, or I left it on the bus - I forget which. Before hopping on the bus to Hue, the tour agency guys asked me to join them for dinner. So, I got to eat what Vietnamese people actually eat for dinner after all. Pretty tasty stuff - presented in a Tupperware container too. Sunday, August 4th Got into Hue early this morning and checked into a dorm room at a hotel for $2.50 a night. Can't beat it. I just think it's kinda neat that so many places quote prices in US Dollars. Well, perhaps neat isn't the correct word - how about freaky? After settling in for all of 1.5 seconds, I hit the town. Hue was an old capital site for Vietnam back in the day (a phrase which means "I don't know when"). So, one of the big ticket tourist traps is to go check out the ruins of the old capital. I tried to do this as best I could without suffering from heat exhaustion. For the afternoon, I joined a 5 hour motorbike tour of the surrounding areas arranged by a lady named Thu. There were 8 tourists and only 6 brothers of Thu to drive the motorbikes, so I got to drive my own. This proved to be a pretty risky proposition, but for Mom's sake, I'll spare the details. The bike tour was neat - saw more ancient ruins, and tombs, and pagodas, a Buddhist monastery, and a Japanese covered bridge. You know, all the standard stuff. And no, there were not Japanese people covering the bridge - the bridge is both covered and in Japanese style. Took a very well needed shower, and unfortunately the weather is so hot here that there is no cold water coming out of the tap. It sucks. Can't even count on a shower to cool you down. Kicked off what was certain to be a banner evening by watching a really really bad movie on Cinemax (no idea how they get Cinemax here), and then a Will Smith concert on MTV. You can imagine my ecstasy. 7 of the 8 of us from the bike tour met up at Thu's cafe for drinks - we ended up hanging out here till midnight or so, when Thu's brother threw us out. So we decided to wander the streets. Immediately, tons of bicycle rickshaws offered their transportation services, which we promptly declined. Then someone got the bright idea that it might be fun to drive one of these things. Before I knew it, we had commandeered 4 bicycle rickshaws, loaded our group (which now was about 11 people) plus the rickshaw drivers on them, and began racing up and down the empty streets. I didn't win, but I did have 4 passengers on mine, so at least I have an excuse. I have a vague recollection of racing someone on foot over a bridge... and somehow we ended up at a makeshift bar (it was a bunch of plastic chairs under a tarp) and ordered a round of beers for everyone - rickshaw drivers included. Finally, I decided to stumble back to the room because I had yet another bus to catch in the morning. As luck would have it, my opinion of where the hotel was located was incorrect, so I wandered around the streets aimlessly for about 30 minutes before figuring it out. But by then I was hungry, so (being the smart guy I am) I decided to get some food at this shady nighttime roadside restaurant operation - consisting of large pots with food, undersized plastic furniture, and a what amounted to a Sterno can. I think I had some sort of chicken soup - with a quarter of a chicken (it was cooked). I haven't had any digestive problems yet, so I think I got lucky this time (that's twice today!). Okay, this is pretty dern long. I'll leave you be now. Hey - only two more updates before I'm home to write the last one. I'm sure that my mother is very happy to know this. Love you too Mom. -Paraag Tidbits: 1. The unit of currency of Vietnam is the dong, which offers up all sorts of crude typical male jokes like "How much dong do you have on you?" and the like. Sheesh... men. Can't live with 'em... can't kill 'em. 2. A whole lot of travelers from other nations ask me who I voted for. When I reply Gore, they tell me that every American that they have met has replied similarly, and so they cannot understand how Bush won. And in case you haven't guessed, our faithful leader is not all that popular outside of the States. And two interesting items courtesy of the 5 teachers from Korea: 3. Kids in Korea begin going to school from roughly the age of 3 or 4. Many children go to private schools at night in addition to public schooling during the day. And they literally spend all their free time studying - often till 1am. Then they wake up at 6am and begin the cycle again for 6 days a week. 4. When President Bush's proclaimed that North Korea is part of the "Axis of Evil" during his State of the Union address is extremely negative, South Koreans were pretty upset. Public sentiment there is that there is even now only one Korea, that unification was just around the corner, and that Bush's comments set them back 5 years. No word on what governmental sentiment is.